i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you had me at cake vodka
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
