if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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