I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
