my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
