I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
