it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
