just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
