If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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