I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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