Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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