walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
