well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
