Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize