just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
