I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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