So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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