wrigley field is MILF paradise
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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