if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
