I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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