Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
