I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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