I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
