they need to just BURY HIM!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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