I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
