Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
