You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
