It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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