And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They took my balls.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
