Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
