its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
