Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
