Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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