So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
