Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
