He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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