Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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