My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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