Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
