I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
