I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
