Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
