It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
