No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
