He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
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it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
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I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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