If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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