I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
