Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
