Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I cockslap morals
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
