It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
