kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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