1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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