I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My dick has a subreddit
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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