i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
