mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
