do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
