Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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