I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
