You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
