ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
