yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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