i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
