it wasn't lemon gatorade
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Randomize
