I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I heard we made out
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
