It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
