I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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